Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
