Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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