As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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