I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
