I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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