I wish I only lived at night.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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