I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
