1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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