well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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