How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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