ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
