Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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