I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
