As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
ttyl tear gas
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
where are my eyebrows?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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