my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
