you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
