this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
