were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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