I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize