It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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