good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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