So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
