im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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