please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
