The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
