Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
