the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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