ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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