I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
