...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
