i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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