I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We are all done wearing pants today
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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