amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
