i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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