Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
