Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
