dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
