i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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