I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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