so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
