ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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