You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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