I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize