I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
