I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
