you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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