What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
