I got chris browned last night
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
