Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
