Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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