You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
