Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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