Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
