i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
