did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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