I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
