when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
