don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
