he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize