i think my mom watched the whole time
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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