she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
