How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
