Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
